Stuff....

Liquid Bunch
You can't enjoy the water without the best water toys.
(Well, technically, you can. In the same sort of way you might
enjoy a plague of frogs without the best frog toys.)

BEST KAYAK
Hobie Mirage Outback SUV
$1,399

This 12-foot, 66-pound one-seater is pedal powered and ideal for when you want your hands free for fishing, photography or peeling potatoes.  The go-almost-anywhere kayak also comes with a paddle for steering -- or for those times you don't feel like pedaling.  Add-ons include a fishing kit (with a cooler) and a sail for, um, sailing!  The paddle is superb for impromptu races with crew teams.  Just see how fast those Nancy boys from Princeton row after you whack them upside their heads!  hobie.com

BEST FINS
Travel Fins
$20

Travel Fins solve the problem of old-school flippers taking up all the room in your handbag.  These are just 16 inches long, less than a quarter-inch thick and a mere 11 ounces per pair.  They quickly and securely attach to the heel straps of your Tevas or other sport sandals, converting your everyday beach shoes into everyday water kickers.  If only there were some way to convert our shorts into a two-piece bikini for Mom.  Somebody stole hers after she left it by the hot tub last night while playing cards with her new friends.  travelfins.com

BEST SCUBA-DIVING GEAR
Mini-B Sport
$849 (Plus $85 for a certification class)

After just a day's worth of training, you'll be ready for 20 to 30 minutes at depths of up to 30 feet (including trainer-assisted shallow-water dives).  This compact backpack fits a 32-cubic-foot aluminum air cylinder (rated to 3,000 pounds per square inch), a buoyancy-compensation device (it keeps you from sinking to the bottom or floating to the top), a regulator (it allows you to breathe) and an alternate air source.  Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to dive back into our pool.  We just filled it with rice pudding!  mini-b.com

BEST AMPHIBIOUS CAMERA
Sea & Sea Aquapix DX-3100
$620

The first digital camera built specifically for use underwater also takes prime photos on land.  It's about the size of a standard 35 mm camera, and the 16 MB of built-in memory is enough for 20 3.1-megapixel stills or three minutes of video in AVI format.  You'll want to add an external strobe for serious submerged art, such as your documentary on the lobster caste system and its impact on our dinner plans for tonight.  seaandsea.com

BEST WEATHER PREDICTOR
Brunton Pro Atmospheric Data Center
$249

Nothing ruins a yacht party like a sudden storm -- or a whale attack.  This waterproof, pocket-size (4.4" x 2" x 0.8", 2.4 ounces) personal weather station provides current and imminent weather conditions.  Digital readouts give temperature, wind speed, barometric pressure, relative humidity and even water-current speed -- which you can gauge by holding the thing over the side of the boat.  This beats our old way of measuring water speed, which was to jump in and drown. brunton.com

BEST BODY BOARD
Surfster Blade Pro
$70

Personal watercraft are a bitch to tow behind your tricycle, so the best thing for offshore wildin' is an inflatable body board that rolls up like a beach towel.  Blow it up to its full 42-inch size in less than two minutes with the included hand pump.  The Blade Pro is no lame inner tube -- at just four inches thick when inflated, it's a veritable water sled.  And when you get hammered by a wave, there's a leash to hang on to.  We drag the board behind us when we walk on the beach.  It reminds us of our dog.  (We have to blow him up, too.)  surfsterboards.com

BEST UNDERWATER SCOOTER
Sea-Doo Seascooter Supercharged VS
$599

Get all James Bond underwater with this electronic substitute for your arms and legs.  This propeller pulls you around at speeds of near zero (to keep up with slow fish) up to 3 mph (to keep up with one-legged fish) and operates at depths of up to 100 feet quietly enough not to disturb the water around you.  With its rechargeable battery (which lasts 90 minutes) in place, it weighs just 18 pounds, so it's as easy to move around with on land as it is underwater.  Just like our NASCAR submarine.  (Last one to the sunken wreck buys lunch!)  seascooter.net